Well In the matrix
by NightmarePanda
Summary: This is what would be created if the move LOTR and the Matrix had homo erotic sex...


*I want you to know that I would like to finish this one-day. This is a brainchild of Chanel's Sienna never helped sorry.*  
  
Random symbols of unreadable elvish and other dead languages race incomprehensibility across the computer screen. So fast that appears to be nothing more that a blur of letters and cryptic messages. Along with a few pop up adds that after a while become tedious under the circumstances of always clicking them away only to have it reappear like an incurable rash.  
  
The room was vacant of furniture and other homely possessions. The only lumps of mass that filled the lumanated room was a computer propped up upon a barrel of hay and a small midget dressed in all in black thrashing away furiously at the key board.  
  
" Is everything in place?" the hobbit asks suddenly. Since no one was in the room at the time it looked like the small Goth midget was making friends with fictional characters, or with an inanimate object. Well anyways just by some strange law of nature the hobbit got a response.  
  
" You know you don't have to go threw with this Sanity" the masculine disembodied voice replies then after a moments pause "You like him don't you, you like to watch him?"  
  
" Are implying something Borphher, I don't have any attraction towards him" Sanity stated plainly.  
  
"If not then why did you set up that camera in his apartment . or should I say cameras!!!"  
  
"That was safety percussion and you know it"  
  
"Really now, was that all it was? Then was it really all that necessary to install three in his bathroom?" asked Borphher accusingly.  
  
"You know he's probably the most vulnerable when he takes a shower" stuttered Sanity suddenly wondering why he felt like he just fell into a swimming pool. Sniffing his under arm he promptly to change the subject. "You know Glopheus thinks he is the one?"  
  
"Do you think he is the one?"  
  
"What is it with changing questions with questions? What are you hiding?"  
  
"Wouldent you like to know?" retorted Borphher shifting his eyes uncomfortably from side to side. But no one really noticed due to the astounding fact that his actions couldent be known to Sanity. Logically most actions can't be seen thru a telephone.  
  
"Are you sure Borphher that the line is safe?" asked Sanity giving up on his yahoo search and resorting to the white pages of the phone book. Muttering to himself as he ran his finger down the pages in search of the One's desired name. At that moment about 15 people acquired the disease Syphilis, Jesus rouse from the dead, N'sync seceretly switched places with the Backstreet boys, Tube socks came back in style, the cookies came out of the oven, a hamster went round in a donut shaped, a panda rode into the sunset, I became cured of the brainworms, Penguins look good in tophats, there is no such thing as the Easter bunny, where in the world is Carmon Sandiago, and rainbows they march in crawl up leg then bite the inside of your ass.  
  
"Umm.Yeh.sure.why not" he said hesitantly.  
  
Sanity's eyes lit up and ripped the page out, then stood up and stuffed it down into the groove of his pants with his car keys and butter slab. " Found it now we can stalk him at un-earthly hours of the night and run up his phone bill with meaningless rants."  
  
" Unn num.Sanity your eyes just lit up"  
  
"Sorry I got a little excited-."Sanity stopped short then realizing that, it was impossible that his actions could have been possibly seen. That sparked even more ominous mistrust towards his so-called partner. "Borphher, be so kind as to tell me how you gained the knowledge of my action?" Sanity asked wanting to confirm his suspicions.  
  
Borphher cautiously replied after a few moments of drooling in thought "Sanity you know that both of us are telepathically linked."  
  
Sanity chewed on this for a while twirling his foot hairs "I'll take your word for it" Sanity then looked down at the butter grease that was starting to show through his pants. Quickly he covered it with the keyboard embarrassingly wishing he had some toast to swab up some of that greasy butter.  
  
*****  
  
Outside in the silent of night a cop twisted the knob of his bi-nocks. His sweaty palms were making it difficult to keep a hold of the vision enhancing interment. Laughing silently to himself as he inspected the desolate, un-lit windows deep in search of his semi-trained swat team.  
  
'Stupid bastards' he though ' who's laughing now? That's right I am!!! No really guys I am!!!' tears swelled up in his eyes as he thought of the many things he loved back home. In his small hometown back in the state of Georgia. Picking his apples, running around in the snake infested fields with his golden retriever Bucky that washed away in the summer of 82, and his pony. Most of all he missed riding his pony, for long hours he rode his pony in the middle of four way intersections. Running in front of cars only to have them swerve of the road into other cars or the best case scenario careening off a hillside only to go up into a glorious ball of flames and gasoline, sending small woodland animals to run in fear of the growing inferno. As well as the residents of near by homes.  
  
Speaking of ponies. The distant galloping of riders grew closer the stationed position of the unaware cop.  
  
"Hello friend" The cop said licking his lips in anticipation " won't you be my neighbor" His heart raced as he zoomed in on the unsuspecting woman rubbing lotion over her dry limbs. At that moment bending over to rub the white solution over her legs. The lustful cop was so hypnotized, entranced by this rare spectator sport that her never even heard the distinguished approaching hooves of the black riders.  
  
"Oh baby. wish you could do that to me"  
  
"Lieutenant" The agent placed a firm grip on his shoulder making the cop jump.  
  
"Oh shit" he choked zipping up his pants.  
  
"I shit you not, you were give specific orders lieutenant why aren't you following them?" The agent asked raising one of his high perched eyebrows. Let it be know that they were eyebrows of dhoomy magnitude.  
  
The cop snorted " Common how can you be serious, how hard can it be to take down one wee little hobbit lass?" questioned the Cop emphasizing lass.  
  
At that prompted quirk, 60's go go music started up followed by the street and cop cars to be covered in phycadelic flowers. The street was filled with 97 dancers dressed in retro tops and flair pants teeming faster than cobras on a fallen wounded puma. Everywhere they were getting their groove on. Swinging around street signs, getting down on parked cars. And Go Go cages hung from street lamps with striping girls bouncing about. Look at them bounce. Its hypnotic almost like a lava lamp. ( Its based on a really old SNL skit . They would do this any time some one made a joke. I'm planning to run this gag into the ground.. It still confounds me)  
  
The cop stopped STRIPPINGing and raised a hand. All fell silent as the street once more became deserted with vagabonds and a crazed millionaire trying to shove a kitten into ATM machine. In his surreal world the ATM had challenged him to feed it a stray cat. Feeling insulted he complied.  
  
The cop looked back at the agent. The agent adjusted his glasses. Both of them acted as if the incident had never occurred.  
  
"I sent in two units they can take her down, what not with the tazers, the drug dogs, the pepper spray, the bamboo switches, and the bathing in barbeque sauce, the pickled yams, and you can now collect them all in their original packages"  
  
The agent shook his head in the cops general direction. Then placing a hand on his chin as if in thought "Lieutenant your men already.." The agent lifted his head "dead?" The agent then proceeded to rip off his rip away pants swinging them wildly up above his head as the sixties party music started up. Woman in neon flowered bikinis strutted up and commenced in dancing around the now loin thrusting agent. The agent looked back towards the nine riders That were now tangoing with random martie gra girls into the hotel building.  
  
*****In other news*****  
  
Sanity breathed in trembled breaths as he stroked the buttery photo of Foreno. Muttering ever so frequently that they would soon be spooning. The door exploded as one of the black riders kicked it down the rest dancing behind him. "You have the right to..PARTY WOOHOO!!!" One of the riders hollered Shimming and shaking holding up a string of indigo and cherry, Hippie power beads. The Rider Lindy hopped his way closer the composed form of sanity. With Samari reflexes; that would have had the vampire Lestat ( he's a sexy vampire) spinning around in lopsided circles.  
  
Sanity twisted around throwing the hooded phantom into an overhead crystal chandler. Then with a series of flips and break dance moves, followed by many loin plunges. Sanity's hand shoots down picking up the folded lab top at breakneck speed. Letting out a Xena war cry he fling the foldable computer into another black rider sending him backwards over an expired can of capers.  
  
Sanity stands alone with one other black rider they stand in a shadowy stands. The gothic midget contorts his body into a fighting stance ready to take on the masked being.  
  
"Do you really think you can take me on dark master?" questions Sanity his mouth not matching his words.  
  
"We shall see impudent one but I implore you to honorably reconsider' his unseen lips and actions now following through with his words. ".Now let us fight like we did in the old days" The rider without hurry then whips out from behind his back two Christmassy snow globes. Thus they commence in a macabre of old ninja moves; both equally matched.  
  
Worn out they pant deeply.  
  
" I see we are both evenly matched" the rider says stating the obvious.  
  
"That we are indeed"  
  
"Then there must be another way we can finish this?"  
  
"Yes there is but you will never be able to overcome this technique at the pace the rabbit is spawning its young" Sanity thus rises into the air in the matrix posture silently gliding next to the Hooded riders head.  
  
Sanity slaps his hand next to the assume location of the riders ear "guess who?"  
  
The rider quickly panic's "Gahh I've gone blind no longer can I see my targeted enemy." Hyperventilating now the rider goes into hysterics "Oh GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD" conveniently due to lack of air the rider was receiving he fell limp to the floor. Water spilt everywhere along with the shards of glass. Glitter swims temporarily through the puddle as the song of Christmas gently plays jingle bells sending renaissance of the impending holiday.  
  
Sanity still suspended in air hovers momentarily before gliding out of the room. He presses the digits of his cell phone.  
  
***If enough people consider reviewing it I might b e compelled in writing another chappie. So.. Bitch Bastereds of all ages do the right thing!!! I feel like my life lacks forward momentum, ya know?*** 


End file.
